I know people will say how judgmental I am, but I have been a firm believer that the people you allow around yourself are a direct reflection of you. It’s a hard pill to swallow when you find yourself friends with someone most consider a scum bag, but these old sayings are around for a reason.
“Birds of a Feather” “A chip off the old block” “He that lieth down with dogs shall rise up with fleas” and so on.
If you see a woman leaning up against a street pole with other “ladies of the night” do you NOT assume she is a street walker too? I think those in denial of this saying don’t want to accept who they are or who those are around them. I had a friend tell me how she slept with an actor we both knew. Problem was, this actor was engaged. The friend was very proud that she showered using the actor’s ladies shampoo at their shared home.I promptly let her know how fucking utterly disgusting she was as a human. I remember her face as I told her I no longer wanted to associate with someone like her. We never spoke again. How could I ever trust her in my life to honor me? How could I ever hold my head up high being the friend to someone like that? Recently, someone I used to be friends with told me her best friend friend knowingly sleeps with a married man with kids. The fact that this person was ok with this behavior showed me their true self. This was not a person who has a solid moral compass. That is dangerous to have in your life.
I am very open with my friends about how I feel. Are you a womanizer? I don’t need your kind in my life. I don’t need a weak man who takes advantage of women’s hearts tainting my circle and or my name. This isn’t a thing between lovers. This is holding people to their word and the standards of acting like a decent human being. A few years back, I had a growing friendship with a makeup artist. That is, till I saw her stealing from set. I called her out. Her answer to me was that they had more money so it was ok. No. You are a fucking thief. I do not trust you at my home or around my things. Another “friend” I had years ago bragged to me how he ripped off an elderly couple on services to their home. I repeat, he swindled old people for more cash than what he was worth. Guess who wasn’t my friend anymore? I wish I could have lit him on fire as I told him I don’t want his kind in my life.
In a world where people’s word means nothing anymore, be the person who can stand by what they say. Be honest. Be true. People used to joke that I was the “Ned Stark” of Hollywood. That is a title I can actually be proud of. I lost jobs. I lost friends. I was not popular with my mindset. I do not care. I sleep easy at night.
Got any stories about people you severed from your life due to their choices?
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You always had too many morals for Hollywood. That’s such a wonderful quality in you!
I’ve basically severed ties to 90% of the people I grew up hanging around for many reasons, primarily their increased hard drug and alcohol abuse, and how they treated me because of it. I was the chauffer, the shoulder to cry on, the temporary loan, the person you could count on for anything, at any time. It was never reciprocated. Sometimes I look back at those wasted years with anger, but as you’ve said in past blogs, I was the enabler. I allowed them to treat me that way early in our relationships, and I never demanded better, so I put the blame solely on myself. I try to live life with no regrets, looking at every screw up as a lesson (I’ve learned A LOT in my life.. lol), and move on. Many of my former “friends” would try to guilt-trip me into coming back, saying “you think you’re too good for us anymore..”. Well ya know what? I am. That was very hard to be able to not only say, but truly believe. I deserve to be treated with the same generosity and kindness I treat others with. If I’m not, I’m out. I wish I had a much quicker trigger-finger back in the day, but now I have an extremely close-knit circle of friends in my life, many of them “online”, and they have to pass a few simple tests (are you an asshole to other people? to those who love you? to those you do not need in your life?) before they’re allowed in. Quality > quantity. I commend you for holding those around you accountable. If we ALL did this on a daily basis, maybe people would think about their words and actions a bit more before showing the world what ugly people they’ve become on the inside, and it might lead them to re-examine their mindset towards life in general. #BeTheChange
I grew tired of the phony in Hollywood and walked away for the most part. I can’t stand people who trash the hell out of each other when someone isn’t around… then in public or on social media it’s the “I love you”, “my bff”, “friend” bullshit.
Just one example: I asked a woman I worked with on a lot of different projects why she does that because she’s always got one guy hanging around who never says anything nice about her or anyone else for that matter… in fact he’s downright cruel when he talks about her. I told her that he’s only using her to meet celebrities… and her response to me was “I know… I can’t stand him either but he’s connected to so many people I know I have no choice but to let him hang around… that’s the game you have to play in Hollywood”. I said “no I don’t have to play that game and if this is the way it’s going to be, I won’t be working with you ever again”… and I meant it and walked away. Mind you, this is a woman who pretends to be really spiritual and is always preaching at other people to be positive blah blah blah. Yes she has used her large following to trash me because of it and I don’t care.
There are some upstanding and honest people in the entertainment industry and I always do everything I can in working with them… but I won’t put up with that middle school crap anymore. I don’t care how famous they are or how many famous people they know.