Every single day, I hear this question. I won’t lie, it is offensive. On my worst days, it will leave me wanting to crawl in a corner to sob. I CANNOT have a baby. Asking me every day when I will have one is harmful. Why people find this intrusive question acceptable to ask couples is beyond me. The worst part about the question is when you inform people you will NOT be adding a child to your lives, you are then drilled as to WHY. May I ask, why do you think it is your business?
My Uterus is broken. On a good month, I may bleed ONLY for 3 WEEKS straight. I have had surgery and no medication is helping the nonstop bleeding I suffer. It is a constant reminder that I am a broken thing. It would be easier to deal with if people were not constantly asking when we will add a little bundle of joy to our lives. I instantly cringe when I am asked. The worst part? Having accepted that I cannot conceive and being happy with our lives….then to have people tell me how selfish we are for not wanting to adopt. Like, it is OUR duty to adopt unwanted children simply because we cannot have our own? Where do people get the nerve to ask and state these things to someone?
For years, I thought I would want a family. I thought how awesome it would be to have a child and connect to that child as it grew inside me. yet, I always had this nagging feeling. My uterine problems didn’t JUST start. I have been having complications for many years. I confided in my closest friends, some dating back to my being 18 years old, that I had this STRONG feeling I am not able to conceive. I think, those gut feelings we get are usually always right. When my doctor told me how much cash, time and effort it would take to get pregnant…with no guarantee that it would EVER get past a few weeks, that answered the question for me. I decided I have a happy and fulfilled life without children. When I first started saying I didn’t want kids, everyone accused me of doing what Matthew wants of me instead of what I want. I didn’t feel ready to explain away my position at that time, but man, was it hurtful! People are such pricks without even realizing it!
Please, before you open your BIG DUMB MOUTH to ANY couple about when they will pump out children…just STOP. Stop thinking you can ask such personal questions of couples. Stop make believing everyone has a functional uterus. Stop putting women like me in the position to have to explain my high risk of cancer uterus and how it malfunctions most of the time. S T O P! It is the most awkward and uncomfortable conversation following my informing people that I cannot have children. I don’t need to sit there and be pitied. You THINK you are not talking like you are full of pity for me…but you ARE.
You don’t walk up to a woman and ask when she is due. Why? She may just be carrying extra weight and you will be an asshole. How about we practice not hurting people who cannot have children by constantly asking new couples/newly weds when they will procreate?