Time To Admit Some Hard Shit!

For the past few years I have been meticulously studying pictures on “real self” about breast explantation. I have been pretty vocal since early 2015 that I am done with these…but I was scared.
Most my friends back in LA all have boob jobs. 80% or more are UNHAPPY with their breasts. From hard as rock boobs, lopsided boobs, bad scars, etc….very few of my friends ended up lucky. The number one thing I realized is most of us? WE LIE! We are so insecure about our botched tits, we lie and say how much we love them. It is called LOSS AVERSION. You do not want to accept that you spent THOUSANDS of dollars on tits that fucking hurt and that ONLY look good in clothes. Not to mention how silly thin/athletic women look with huge fake honkers. Many women I know had revisions done within 7 years of their first implant surgery. I had a revision to my botched job about a year after my first boob job. I wish more women stood on a mountaintop screaming “DO NOT DO THIS!” Maybe I would have listened. Well, there is a growing movement of women ridding their bodies of these toxic sacks. There are photos and videos of doctors removing the implants to find that many of them are BUSTED OPEN! Thick silicone gel oozing slowly into your body. Most women are not aware this is happening till they remove them.
I used to do 10 or more pull ups in a row, no problem. I couldn’t lift myself up once now to save my life due to the scar tissue and discomfort of having these things crammed under my muscles. Many of my work outs have been altered so I can tolerate my painful implants. I have been suffering mystery illnesses for years, most recently blurred vision (like I was on a sheet of LSD) and now permanent blurring in my right eye. The list is too long to go through, but I found ALL my symptoms listed under Breast Implant Illness. 
I have had photos taken of my tits that have been mocked and made fun of all over the net. My scar tissue is SO bad in one, if I squeeze it, it pokes out painfully in my cleavage.  My tits then appear to be misshaped. I cannot tell you the mental damage this did to me when I was DUMB enough to read forums of people laughing at my body and making fun of me in the worst of ways. Posting this and admitting to it is probably the hardest thing I have EVER done…because it makes me feel bad. My best friend and I joke about it. She calls me “SPonge Bob Square Boob” lol
I was horrified. I have been self conscious and incredibly down about my tits ever since THESE shots from comic con hit the net. That is when I started my journey of looking to get these assholes removed.
The thing is, I had been convinced my size difference in my old boobs was BAD. It wasn’t. It was normal. I had normal tits. I was beautiful JUST the way I was. My boobs did NOT look like they belonged to “two different women” as I had been told. I will never have normal non hacked open tits again. What I WILL have is a healthy LIFE back….and that is worth it. I was SO horrified by the photos below from my first Playboy Cover/spread. I was SO happy when it hit stands till someone who was important to me at the time told me that my size difference was VERY noticeable in them. I obsessed over my slightly smaller right boob till I was a puddle of tears for weeks. I wish I could jump in a time machine and smack this stupid young girl across her face and tell her to give the finger to every single person trying to belittle her and knock her down.
If I can stop ONE woman from mutilating her body….I will be a very happy camper. Matthew agreed to help me do a short video of my journey to slap online for all to see. It wont be some long wordy thing…it will be short, sweet and informative. Monday I schedule my surgery date.


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