This time, 5 years ago I sat alone in a Hospice room with my dying Grandmother. A few hours later, she passed away in my arms surrounded by her children and my brother and I. There are no words to express what it is like to lose someone who raised you. When you spend so many years living under the same roof with someone who acted like a third parent…they are just that…a parent. She wasn’t just a Grandma to me. She held my hair when I puked, picked me up from school when I was ill and put a cold wash rag on my forehead if I ran a fever. She held me in her arms in the night as I cried for my Ma who was out working. To say I adored her is such a massive understatement. There isn’t a way to describe how I feel for her. There are no words to fucking describe something this beautiful.
Time doesn’t heal this kind of wound…you just learn how to deal with the gaping hole that is left in your soul. I can’t believe it’s 5 years now. The things I endured when she passed…and the horrors I faced afterward changed my entire life. I stopped caring about fame, Hollywood, everything. None of it mattered anymore. That is her last gift to me….realizing all that matters in this world are the ones you love.
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I fully understand. My grandpa was everything to me. I lived with him for 3 years before he did. He literally said “bye bye” whole holding my hand seconds before he passed. It’s such a dollar coaster.
I’m sorry. I know that pain so well. To lose someone you just know you can’t be without…but that she left you with that beautiful awakening…that what matters most is family. That’s probably the biggest lesson she would have ever wanted to teach you. What a great legacy she left. ((((hugs))))
I remember her on your reality show! I told my wife at the time that she would be the coolest grandma! Very sorry for your loss! When we’re younger we never thought about losing someone that we cared about! As we get older reality hits ! It sucks! Enjoy every minute with someone you love! It doesn’t last as long as we would like!
Absolutely beautiful! ❤️
The people who influence us the most never truly leave us. They live on through us, through our thoughts and deeds. All of us have gotten to know who your Grandma was just by knowing you. Thanks for giving us a glimpse into the great woman she was. If there IS a heaven, she’s surely up there, beaming with pride at the woman you’ve become, and is probably cooking a huge meal for St. Peter and those lazy Apostles! 😉 <3
I’m sorry that you no longer have your grandma. I too lost mine 4 years ago, then four months later my grandpa followed her. It’s a truly painful, heart shattering experience. Always longing to see this person, to hear them, to touch them, their scent, their laughter, thier way of creating calm within you where no one else can rise such a feeling. A grandma, a mom, a friend, a best friend. We always will long for them but I’ve learned to smile when I remember moments with them, but a tiny tear is always there waiting to fall- it’s a tiny piece of my pure love pouring out. Peace to you and never forget because they helped us be who we are today. Hugs, Mags
I understand from my own mother’s passing 12/14. It doesn’t get easier, we just get older. Hugs!
You’ve expressed in your streams how much you miss her, and my heart hurts for you. Know, then, how much you were cherished and LOVED, and take comfort in those memories. Considering how vital she was to your upbringing, this time of year always be difficult. It sucks, it really does. Love from me always, boss lady.
January 30th will mark one year without my Dad. I’ve tried to write about how I feel, hoping it helps, and I can’t. I just dissolve. Cry for hours. Maybe someday.
So all I can say is just… yeah. All of this.
(…Ok, maybe not the celebrity part, lol.)
While my grandparents passed away before I was born, I was with my father when he passed. It took me a few years to realize how just how lucky I was to be with him as he took his last breath. He passed peacefully, holding my hand. Even now, eleven years later, I pick up the phone to call him.
Sounds hokey, but she is always with you… beside and within you, Adrienne. Celebrate her! Make her favorite foods. Play her favorite songs. Then smile knowing that you were a part of this fabulous woman’s world. XOXO
While my grandparents passed away before I was born, I was with my father when he passed. It took me a few years to realize how just how lucky I was to be with him as he took his last breath. He passed peacefully, holding my hand. Even now, eleven years later, I pick up the phone to call him.
Sounds hokey, but she is always with you… beside and within you, Adrienne. Celebrate her! Make her favorite foods. Play her favorite songs. Then smile knowing that you were a part of this fabulous woman’s world. XOXO