The Hardest Time Of Year

This time, 5 years ago I sat alone in a Hospice room with my dying Grandmother. A few hours later, she passed away in my arms surrounded by her children and my brother and I. There are no words to express what it is like to lose someone who raised you. When you spend so many years living under the same roof with someone who acted like a third parent…they are just that…a parent. She wasn’t just a Grandma to me. She held my hair when I puked, picked me up from school when I was ill and put a cold wash rag on my forehead if I ran a fever. She held me in her arms in the night as I cried for my Ma who was out working.  To say I adored her is such a massive understatement. There isn’t a way to describe how I feel for her. There are no words to fucking describe something this beautiful.

Time doesn’t heal this kind of wound…you just learn how to deal with the gaping hole that is left in your soul. I can’t believe it’s 5 years now. The things I endured when she passed…and the horrors I faced afterward changed my entire life. I stopped caring about fame, Hollywood, everything. None of it mattered anymore.  That is her last gift to me….realizing all that matters in this world are the ones you love.


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