For many years I marketed myself via my looks. It is how I broke into entertainment. During this time I had a few relationships. I noticed that in those relationships, I was given a lot of freedom. Freedom to pose for Playboy’s celebrity cover/spread…twice, Maxim, etc. Freedom to post pictures of myself modeling, etc online that were very titillating. Funny enough, what I did that was titillating back then is pure child play these days. Hell, a woman can’t post a “sexy picture” anymore without having to pair it with a super titillating video of her awkwardly gyrating, pivoting and swaying around in next to nothing. Anything and everything for the almighty “likes and views”.
Almost 4 years ago I met my guy. He was not a fan of being with a woman who had to skip around in tiny clothes for internet attention. I could see why. How am I respecting my partner when I am constantly seeking the validation, likes, comments and views from other men? I think, rather quickly, I realized I had someone who wasn’t into sharing me with the world. I saw how it made ME feel when HE posted titillating shots for women to drool over. It didn’t feel good to see a bunch of broads talk about MY guy like they wanted to tongue punch his fart box. I had grown so accustomed to being the TROPHY of a man. I was allowed to skip around and get sexual attention from others because the person I was with would be able to hold his trophy up (me) and brag how he won it. When no one was looking, I would be tossed back on a shelf to gather dust and be ignored. They cared more about how I made them LOOK than about ME and US. I become desensitized to the over sexualization of women. Living in LA, modeling and being around the fashion world and then entertainment…there was no hope for me. I was like a dog being trained to do tricks. If I modeled a see through shirt on the runway? “PRAISE BE! YAY! GOODJOB!” If I expressed concern over modeling said shirt and ask if I could pair it with a bra? “SHAME! HOW DARE YOU? YOU DON’T REALLY WANT THIS!” It was easy to figure out what would get me positive feedback over negative. I caved, little by little. I was never a prude. However, I was never the chick wearing short skirts and crop tops in high school for attention. I wore NIN shirts and baggy jeans. I was changing for others, not myself. I wont lie, the validation? The likes, views and comments? It is a DRUG. That is why so many women are constantly feeding the public with titillation (men too!). The praise and validation they get is like a high. However, it is short lived. You cannot fill a void with fluff. None of it is enough. There must ALWAYS be more. Pic after pic, thong after thong, sports bra after sports bra, squat video after squat video. The posts keep coming. It’s like a bunch of zombies. No amount of brains seems to be enough.
I began to look in the mirror and see what I had become. I was just another chick on the internet posting sexy pics for likes and to grow my numbers. I didn’t want to be that. I didn’t want to make my guy uncomfortable trying to stay relevant on the internet to further my career. I didn’t want to “dance” for pennies like a fucking clown. I wanted to be a better example. I wanted to be something I could actually be proud of. From then to now, I have lost over 250k followers on twitter. Many accounts tweet at me that “you are not sexy anymore” and “You are boring, where are the sexy pics?”. My favorite is “you used to be so cool.” or “Now you aren’t even a nerd!.” I used to be cool and lost my nerd cred because I don’t want to be the lady over 35 prancing around comic cons in tiny costumes having to fend off gross guys like I am in my 20s? I am no longer a nerd with my LORD OF THE RINGS themed living room because I don’t post “sexy pics” in cosplay? Luckily, I am all grown up and see it for what it is. I TAUGHT people my only value was my body. This is my bad. Well? FUCK YOU. I don’t need to “dance” for likes and views in tiny cosplay to be a damn nerd. I had a great time cosplaying, but I am OLDER….and if I ever cosplay again, it is going to be age appropriate. That “desperation” for validation is gone. Would it be nice to grow my business and get more traction online for my store? Sure! However, it isn’t worth the cost. Getting traction online as a covered up woman is a fucking uphill battle. No one cares about you when you are covered.
The worst thing to happen was to see a a very young girl I am close to start to post “sexy” pics. I felt 100% responsible. Young women are taught they ONLY have value if they are sexy. They ONLY get likes, etc if they show skin. Great example I set. One huge gold star for me! I don’t think I ever felt so bad in my LIFE. I LOVE this child as if she were my own. I would move mountains for her. Yet, I taught her posting “sexy pics” is how you become a big famous celebrity! I know, it wasn’t just me. The entire world is now so obsessed with fame and image. Everyone has their selfie filled accounts. However, I am glad I grew up mentality and don’t try to dress and act like a 25 year old anymore. I prefer wearing wisdom over my Mileena cosplay. Hell, I ripped my NIPPLES OFF when I removed it because of all the double sided tape. I am not kidding. They were pumping blood when I tore the tape off. People wondered why I never wore it again. lol. F that!
Now I post a pic and expect nothing. Many times, that is exactly what I will get. I am no longer “interesting or cool” because I don’t want to dress 25 and do squats butt first into a camera in flesh colored leggings that hug my asshole for likes. Fine. I am lame. That’s ok. This lame ass is content and happy. I have a guy who is proud of me for the RIGHT reasons. I have kids I know actually listening to me when I tell them about the bad things that happened to me when I was dressed in tiny things in public places. The best part, is knowing that because of my history on tv, etc…some of those kids are REALLY listening. Tomorrow, I turn 36 years old. I embrace that. I don’t try to hide my age to have to excuse my behavior. Pushing 40 and proud.
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You’re a badass.
That was an enjoyable read. Sounds like you’re pretty well centered.
The current version of you, aka the real Ms. Curry, is far more interesting to follow. Your honesty about both your vulnerability as well as bad assery is refreshing and often inspiring. I frequently share your posts/rants with my niece for balance, sanity and inspiration against the pressures in her social media.
I’ve told you this before but, I’ve been a fan for a long time, since the Surreal Life, and I’ve watched you grow from a young, naive girl (who I thought was so cool & funny) into a mature, self aware, empowered woman. I love your no nonsense, no BS, take me as I am attitude. And your love of cosplay, SciFi, comics, games, fantasy, etc., just made me like you more. I think it’s awesome that you found your place in this world and a guy that appreciates you for who you are. You deserve it.
I think the comment by Mike pretty much covered everything I was thinking about saying. I will add though that I’ve only been following you for maybe 3,4 years I’ve even watched your makeup videos just because it’s you and your personality. The older I get (I’m 42) the more I react negatively towards “lewd” images mainly because I wouldn’t want to see my daughter in it and I regret the society that we live in forces or should I say encourages greatly women and to a lesser extent men to feel they have to present themselves like that. I must admit I actually thought it was just because I was getting older and the hormonal drive was lesening but it may possibly just be because I have a daughter and she’s looking at the modern Media. Sorry I’m waffling on again about this.
Keep up the good fight Adrianne Curry
You go, girl! I hope your lives as individuals and as a couple in the beautiful new setting where you are now exceed both of your wishes!
I am happy that you are becoming happier with who you are. However, I also admire women who are able to capitalize on their looks. Some people are smart, some people are attractive, and some people are both. Knowing where you fall on that spectrum, understanding your own morality, and deciding based upon that, how you will leverage your looks and/or brain is something admirable.
Love this, love you just the way you are, human and awesome.
I love it, please tounge punch ducksauce for us 🙂 love you guys!!!
I’ve followed you for years and it’s perfectly cool to change your perspective on life and the way you live. We all have to do this. Those that unfollow you, make rude comments, etc., it’s their loss. You’re awesome, you know it, and that’s all that matters!
Love this! Thanks for being “real”
Good for you! It’s an amazing thing to be happy with yourself and where you are right now. I wish more women would let themselves experience this.
I have to agree with the post above you are a badass and the real Miss Curry is much more enjoyable. I find myself going to your pages more now then ever before. The journey you have shared in the last 2 years has been honest and inspiring. And your still a nerd and cool as hell.
Great read. Definitely sharing with my younger friends/relatives. Boys, girls and those who aren’t sure yet.
I have been aware of you since your days on “Model” and although I enjoyed watching you, I didn’t follow you or fangirl over you….BUT, as you’ve grown and matured and realized your self worth, I have totally jumped on your bandwagon. I think you are way cooler now. And nerds FTW. I’m a soon to be 55 year old grandmother who has played WOW since vanilla days. For the horde <3 Keep doing you Beautiful lady.
Well said! 👏🏻👏🏻 #you’remyhero
you’re the best fucking grandma on the planet!
Thanks….my grands think so too 🙂
Happy birthday Adrianne 😘
I personally love how much you’ve grown over the last few years, definitely enjoying just how true happiness looks on you! Been years of a really interesting ride along with you, but I’m most fond of the person you are right now. I don’t think you’ve ever looked so beautiful as you are since the latest move.
Thankfully, you’re still as funny as fuck! 🙂 Keep the laughs up
I too am a grandmother (of 6) but am 45 haha Have played WoW since the very beginning, don’t have time to play as much as I used to, but it’s always there, waiting for me 🙂
Happy Birthday Beautiful Lady 💃💃
Yes its early but Im knocking out and work in the morning. I can say as a woman of 38 with 2 son’s. Watching you in Amtm and watch you grow and watching your make up videos while laughing with you. Your funny voices and real talk makes me proud to see you mature. I may not know you personally but still you are a amazing woman who over came her past and learned, loved and found a man who adores , loves and cherish you. Not a Trophy prize but for who you are. That kind of love is hard to find when it is all about finding trophy woman with no morals. May you have a loving birthday with a beautiful loving lasting marriage to come.
You judge women in LA who work in the entertainment industry or model to support themselves. It seems as if you no longer “approve” and spend quite a bit of energy announcing your disapproval while at the same time assuring your “fans” that things are soooo much better for you now. However, the reality is, you aged out of this industry without ever making a success of yourself. Your look is way out dated and not commercially viable at this point (or for a long time now). You are not independent financially no matter how many blue eyeshadows you hock. Yes, you come off as bitter.
Currently, you are working extra hard to convince your online following how much of an outdoors-woman you now are and how much you looooooove it. Sure, girl. We all believe you.
You are awesome and I am glad you are doing you and proud of it! One of the reasons I started following you on IG is your honesty. So many people don’t realize how important that is, and I’m glad you do. Keep fighting the good fight and stay centered! And you guys look great together, by the way!
Rock on. Proud of you. You’re all “growed” up. No, seriously, it’s surprising but that particular lesson is a hard one to learn. I am still learning it. As a woman, I too, fell prey to the same stereotypes spoon fed to me on the daily of what a woman should look like. At 43, still struggle with what my head says it utter bullshit and what my eyes have been trained to see. Self actualization and the love of a good, decent man help support that…as you well know.
My personal battle with attention occurred after losing 120lbs with weight loss surgery. I garnered notice I’d never had before and it is a bit of a high…not gonna lie. On the dating apps, the attention was cool at first but grew old as in, “Guys, I have a brain cell…or two.” This was like water to a desert having had an unfaithful spouse. You never quite feel …good enough even though the affairs have actually little to do with you and more what a tool HE is. Still fucking hurts. Anyways, on the dating site, I actually began to announce the weight loss and the resultant “loose skin” almost immediately. Might as well separate the wheat from the chaff ASAP, no? Beauty is *not* only skin deep and it’s arguably deeper than that. I can’t possibly really know you, Adrianne, but the glimpse of you that you show the world has become more beautiful in my eyes as you’ve “grown up.” Always keeping it real with sass and an endearing combo of vulnerability. You are quite the role model as you are in my opinion. Right on. And, happy surviving another turn round the sun.
I have a one year old daughter. I am a geek, I DM 3 games of D&D as a hobby. I PRAY that more female “Geek Gods” go your route and show that beauty does not mean you are required to pedal it for attention and acclaim.
And good on Ducksauce for being a man and coveting your beauty as his own. You are a power couple on your own realm. It may be lonely at times, standing far from your peers on a plane rarely seen or heard from, but know at least one father will be keeping close tabs and showing his daughter exactly what “strong and beautiful” used to mean and what it will mean to her.
I’m glad you’re happy now.
When i was in my mid twenties i started doing some small time modeling and promotional gigs for an agency. My agent ended up talking me into doing a nude shoot for the college edition of Playboy. At the last second I pulled out of it because the guy I started seeing was getting uncomfortable with his friends hanging my pics around their man caves and garages lol
I didn’t want him to have to walk into one of their parties or card games and see a pic of his nude girlfriend. Lol
That was the end of my modeling “career” lol
I’m 41 now and so glad now that I didn’t do it. I want to teach our daughters that they can be beautiful without validation from people who just view them as an object.
When you make the decision to respect yourself the only people who will have a problem with it are those who don’t truly care about you anyway.
Great post! Your personal story is worth sharing and will influence untold numbers of young gals…..I’ve followed you through Twitter for a few years and like seeing the mature Adrianne who appreciates her man before others…..Keep it up….
There’s nothing wrong with going back to being you. It’s cool to get all of the likes and comments and followers, but when they’re only looking to see what you’re showing off next on your body, what’s the point. Enjoy doing what you’re doing for you. There are enough “instanudes” and not enough class.
wow. thanks, man
I pity you. My personal journey offends only those who feel guilty upon reading it. If you feel that way, then you are just like I was. Anyone who has to take the time out of their day to leave a shitty comment on someone’s personal website is someone miserable in their own lives
I am NOT independent financially?
LOL. Ok.
I love your attitude! Every “like” I have ever given you is for how you wear that attitude!
You are awesome and an inspiration! That Amanda chick that commented is obviously not in a good place. We, as women, should be supportive of each other. We should be lifting each other up, not beating each other down! Keep doing what you are doing girl, you rock!
Amanda, I don’t see her judging the women themselves, I see her judging “the act” that the majority of women feel that they HAVE to do to get anywhere in LA, because even an old nobody from Australia can see that there is a certain image that these girls and women are made to keep.
Ultimately, she is judging herself, looking back and seeing herself in a different light, we all do that when we hit a time in our life where we are settled. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, she’s making fun of herself, how she was and who knows, it might inspire some beautiful young girl to remember that she is more than her body.
P.S. I see you as the bitter one, feeling the need to come in here and shit over someone’s happiness. I hope it made your day.
I’ve been online since ICQ days (i think it was 1996… god i’m old…) and while i’m a Techy guy, i’ve never let anything or anyone affect me. I always did what felt right for me, never told anyone what they should do, as everyone has a different life experience!
Where am I coming at with this? the illusion of being liked by many, to validate our existence! as if without the likes and views of others, we are not worthy to be around. I never cared for having “loads” of friends, just a few good ones is what matter. On IG i’ve got 3 photos, i use it only to follow my friend and people I admire (yourself included).
The problem isn’t Technology, it’s how it’s being used.
I’ve met a lot of friends online (which I also flow over to meet in person) thanks to this technology, but i’ve never cared for a lot of “fake friends” like those on IG/Twitter/Facebook and others. With both IG/Twitter, i’ve got very few followers and i don’t let anyone else follow me, they get blocked.
Do what makes you feel good about yourself, it doesn’t matter how many views/likes there are, what counts is those who stick around for the long run and not chase the next big hype…. be yourself and be proud of who you are!
It’s sucks that we have to be young and foolish before we grow to be old and wise, but such is life. You’ve evolved into an incredible woman, and I will always be a big fan. Fuck the haters. To quote Shakespeare, “Above all else, to thine own self be true.”
You are doing what makes you happy and that is what matters most of all. And those who are not following you are truly missing out now because you are sharing more of yourself with your new attitude and wisdom than you ever were with a “sexy thong pic”. Who a person IS is by far the most interesting thing about them!
Also, a LOTR living room sounds awesome! Our hallway is lined with with various LOTR swords 🙂
Adrienne, I was a college girl when you won ATM and its SO neat to see where your journey has taken you now. Refreshing to see you embracing life in this way. I googled you because I was curious about what kind of things you were doing now, it’s just so awesome to see that you are happy, away from LA and doing things that matter to you.
This was really inspiring ❤️