The guilt I feel at having chopped up my body ….EATS at me. Not only do I have to deal with the physical consequences of that poor decision….now that I believe in a higher power again, I find myself pondering what I will say to God as my reasoning of why I presumed that I knew better than he.
I know many self proclaimed Christians who willingly go under the knife for vanity…multitudes of times. They inject botulism into their faces, lift and implant their breasts, blow up their lips, etc….and as a newfound Christian, I cannot wrap my mind around how they justify hacking up what they loudly vocalize is Gods creation. It makes no sense to me that you can justify doing this if you truly believe in God. It is amazing, the mental gymnastics people will perform in order to excuse behaviors and actions that if they REALLY thought about it….they’d realize are wrong. How do you inform God that the boobs he gave you were not sexy enough and that you and your surgeon knew better and “fixed” it? How do you justify your actions to follow a path of vanity, one of the 7 deadly sins, with a divine being?
Maybe because I am new in trying to act within my faith….I notice just how many who claim they do as well….don’t at all. I have never posed this question to people, as I know it will really hurt them. Those who willingly live in a fog tend to get incredibly defensive when you wave away some of the vapors so they can see. I used to feel this way when people pointed out my own short comings. It’s a natural reaction.
Looking back, my biggest sins were Vanity, Lust and Envy….
I get it when someone who does not believe in God is like “why do you believe this shit?” Trust me. I used to feel the same. However, even when I did NOT believe in God yet, I KNEW that certain things were not a glowing testament of my character. Willingly slicing up my perfect chest to titillate and participate in the LUST of men I did not know to advance my career is not some shining and beautiful facet of who I am. The vanity I participated in… to be so focused on my physical being to even consider such a thing…..to RISK MY LIFE and OPT for an unnecessary surgery on my otherwise healthy body….madness.
If I did not believe I was forgiven for such things, I don’t think I’d be able to leave my home anymore. I was a REAL ASSHOLE. I was self indulgent, vain and incredibly narcissistic. I gave up a piece of my soul almost daily in order to get a paycheck or some attention. Those who question why I would find God….what would YOU be left with after the deep self realization that you were NEVER a good person? You just THOUGHT you were?