The decision to not invite anyone to our wedding was due to a few reasons. The remote locations we wanted to wed in as well as not many people being excited for our wedding. I had moved to IL twice during our relationship when things hit a boiling point. Both times, Matthew adjusted things I never thought possible…and we came back together. The moment one person can’t make the hike to our wedding spot, one forest fire ignites, one flight is delayed…that is when all your plans come crashing down. The stress and agony of wedding planning is just not for me. The strain felt once I accepted Matthew’s‘s proposal was strong. We wanted an intimate and meaningful wedding. People opposed our career changes, our life changes, etc. It made sense to just do the thing in a personal way and save for our future. Also, how many assholes get married multiple times throwing a wedding? At a certain point, spare everyone your damn bullshit, lol.
Most of you know, I was wed before. It took this meaningful union to realize just how absolutely fucking fake that first wedding was. It was a TV show, only I wasn’t privy to the fact that I was the only one that thought it was real. Everything about it wasn’t genuine and I was a young and stupid fool that truly believed I was loved. When you get married, if you are almost vomiting from “cold feet” right before walking down the aisle…if your Mom hands you an abuse hotline the night before explaining verbal abuse is just as bad as physical…R U N. I deserved to be LOVED. I deserved to be RESPECTED. I deserved a man who kept his pants on and treated me as an equal. After dating in LA, I began to think that was never going to be possible. Then, I met Matthew. Everything I thought my life was…everything I used to think was important…wasn’t. I quit smoking weed after 20 years of smoking all day every day (doing anything THAT much is called ABUSING it), I stopped marketing myself with cleavage, short shorts and titillating men with my body. Why? I finally had a man who respected me and respected HIMSELF. No decent man who cares about YOU on a deep level is OK with his lady bouncing around on tv/internet in nothing to get guys to drool over her body and express how badly they want to touch/be with her whilst liking her posts. Matthew really taught me what it looks like to be with a man who actually fucking cares about you….not just having a “sexy trophy” to brag about and then toss back on the shelf to gather dust. Living in LA had jaded me. I was taught my ONLY value was my face and body. I had grown so accustomed to being someone’s trophy as opposed to the light of their life. I finally learned what real love is. Now, onto the wedding…
After we got engaged on August 5th, 2017, I contacted one of my best friends Lauren who owns Castle Corsetry . She had made MANY of my cosplays and makes MOST cosplays you see on popular cosplayers (even ones who don’t credit her). She is a wizard. We toyed with ideas for Lord Of The Rings dresses and various Game Of Thrones Dresses. Galadriel’s white gown from the hobbit, Arwen’s white gown in Rivendell from Fellowship, Dany’s Slave Halter Dress (when her dragons were still small) and Dany’s Qarth Dress. Ultimately, Dany’s Qarth gown won.
I had always been obsessed with it. The metal work looked elvish. Also, the Grecian flow of it was always something I envied and wish I had in my closet. The gown was chosen. Our wedding was looking to be nerdy as hell. Life was good! We decided to move to Montana, truly, Winterfell in America. I searched for a place for us to get hitched and landed on the majesty that is Glacier National Park. Basically, it is a hint of Rivendell in the middle of Winterfell. I found pictures of Logans Pass…
and called the rangers to ask for a permit. I had never seen anything so beautiful. They couldn’t give me one, but they said we could get one for Big Bend. Afterward, we could hike around Logans Pass for photos. I was in. I paid for my permit. All of this is accessed on the famous Going To The Sun road. The most dangerously beautiful road I have ever been on.
The Qarth gown would still work up in the cold North because of the flow of the material. I knew it would billow in the Alpine winds. Plus, as I said, it is the most…middle earth of all the Game of Thrones gowns, to me. I flew to LA multiple times to shop materials, get fitted, check out the pattern for the brass metal we would be laser cutting, the works. I also got to see my closest friends whilst traveling there..short as each trip was. I decided on an ivory/silk underlay…but wanted a golden champagne chiffon overlay. I despise white and ivory. Plus, hiking around in Glacier, that shit would be trashed with filth in four seconds. The blue of the Qarth gown simply isn’t suitable for a wedding and NOT my color. The metal we decided would be laser cut brass. Yep, actual brass. Though I LOVE Cosplay, I wanted to take that Targaryen gown and make it my own. As I didn’t want to compromise screen accuracy with the cut, the color and extended train would be tailored to me. Lauren suggested we make a tiara based on the metal corset/shoulders to go with it and I loved the idea. Here is the mock up of the gown in a bunch of shitty material with laser cut PAPER shoulders, corset and crown…hahaha. Lauren is a fucking WIZARD. This was a simple mock up test run. We decided to make the belt a bit thinner, for screen accuracy, thin out the crown to wear it in my hair as well as bringing in the dress to a V (hence the black drawing over the boobs).
The rest was in Lauren’s hands. I wouldn’t see my dress till a week before my wedding.
Our photographer was an easy choice. Brooke Photography . She had shot our engagement photos in our beloved Prescott, AZ and we REALLY liked her. She also doesn’t ROB you like most wedding photographers do. Seriously, HIRE THIS WOMAN! Her pictures of us were the absolute best and I knew I wanted to fly her out. Upon investigation, I found out you need NO WITNESSES and ANYONE can marry you in the state of Montana. I asked her if she would also be our officiant. It doesn’t get more intimate than that. She is amazing and agreed. It would be a very small affair, indeed!
I found Miss Patti Cakes in the Flathead Valley due to her high reviews and figured she was close to where we might live and where we would wed. I signed a contract with her and showed her awesome Game Of Thrones themed designs for a cake. Where we were moving in Montana was as far North as one can be. The North Remembers. Of course I wanted a STARK cake! Armor and a dire wolf along with our house name is what I requested. Chocolate with buttercream. I told her I worship fondant and couldn’t wait to eat it. The cake was locked in.
I made reservations at two hotels. 2 nights for the day before and wedding night at one, 2 nights at a sweet bed and breakfast. I set all the bells and whistles up. Romantic champagne on ice with rose petals for our wedding night as well as dinner for two the night prior AND our wedding night at The Lodge at Whitefish Lake . Then we would move the party to The Hidden Moose Lodge across the street for a two day “mini” honeymoon in their big sky suite. I bought Matthew a ring from Etsy as well…Everything was set. We visited our wedding site multiple times. We knew where we were going and when. permits were paid and everything was booked. I spent months live streaming different makeup looks from My Avon Store so I wouldn’t have to waste money on makeup or a makeup artist. I knew I could look fire with my own product. I also knew I trusted myself more than anyone else. My hair I booked in Whitefish at Reecia’s Salon with Nikki, as I have 0 skill AT ALL with hair.
Then, a month before our wedding, Glacier National Park lit on fire. The road that led to our wedding spot was closed. Every day I looked for updates on fire containment. Suddenly, it was only 14 days before our wedding with no end in sight to the fire. I called the Glacier rangers and we discussed the original Park entrance, Two Medicine. My amazing guy drove us down the 2 (alternate highway) to the East side of Glacier to check out Two Medicine Lake, a 2 hr 45 min trip one way. It wasn’t my beloved Alpine Pass, but it was GLACIER NATIONAL PARK and was fucking STUNNING!
We had our last minute location. Thank god. Then, disaster. I burned the ever living hell out of my hand. This was by far, the most painful burn I have ever experienced. The up side is that it was on my right hand. The downside is that I had a huge oozing wound.
Everything I had meticulously planned for the last year was falling apart. lol. Matthew STILL had not bothered to get his wedding outfit. I had asked if Boromir or Lord Stark clothes interested him to no avail. He wanted to dress the way he wanted. Some of my friends opposed this, but I am not going to force this man to wear something he feels stupid in. He said he was going to go Western. When it arrived in the mail, it all fit him. He looked like he had stepped right out of one of our favorite shows, Westworld. As I looked at him button up his vest, I couldn’t help but think “These Violent Delights Have Violent Ends.” Our two favorite HBO shows had come together for our wedding. This pleased me greatly. I made him promise he’d wear his Watsons AZ cowboy hat. Lauren sent my wedding dress in the mail. When it arrived, my aching and oozing hand was in no shape to navigate my gown. I felt defeated. Matthew said “Fuck this. We are not conventional. My Dad didn’t see my Mom’s wedding gown and they are divorced. It’s all bullshit. Let me help you in your dress.” He helped me into it, took his time to not mess anything up and laced my corset up. When I looked in the mirror, I almost cried. My crispy burnt hand held out away from the fabric…and that handsome fucking face looking at me and telling me I looked beautiful. Whatever, fuck it. He saw the dress.
Matthew’s handmade custom ring showed up JUST in the nick of time. It was clearly over 1 size smaller than the 10.25 I had specified. The shop said they could last minute try to size it a quarter up, and to magically entrust THEM to check the size FOR us to let us know if they messed up. FUCK….YOU! Who the hell is that stupid? I told them I am getting married in a few days. I do not have time to rush to post offices and jewelers, wanting to kill myself from the stress. I have yet to go have the thing sized, as we are happy newly weds who are kinda busy ENJOYING THAT… but I am going to by reputable jewelers. I feel the shop does not want to give me my money back. We don’t want the stupid thing anymore. The point was to have a wedding ring for the wedding. Matthew used a ring he bought for 20 bucks in NYC, lol. I had planned everything for over a year. Matthew last minute got his outfit and my ring and everything worked out perfect for him. Bastard.
Then, Friday the 14th of September came and it was time to go to the hotel. We picked up our cake on the way. HOLY…SHIT! It was EVERYTHING I wanted it to be…AND she upgraded it…AND it smelled divine! I was in absolute awe!!! We arrived at the Hotel and I asked the front desk if they had a fridge. They were awesome and stored our cake for us to pick up the next night. I had specified to the Lodge that we were marrying on the 15th, but that romantic honeymoon champagne and rose petal package I had purchased? They decided to have the room decked out for our wedding night…the day before our wedding. I won’t lie. I cried a little. What was the point of all this stupid planning? I seemed to be the only one on board with what was supposed to happen, when it was supposed to happen, what size things were supposed to be, etc. Hahaha We ran over the rose petals on the floor with suitcases…scooped em off the bed and into the trash so we could unpack….the champagne went warm. It was a pricey add on….I wish it had been added on when it was supposed to be! I snapped a shot to remember the most expensive 2 second romance package hotel room on earth.
We had a lovely and quiet dinner that night at The Boat Lounge. It was so relaxing and enjoyable. Our waitress Natalie was badass. We asked if she was working the night of our wedding and she said yes. We decided we’d ask for her. We ate delicious food, had great service and gazed at one another. NO DISTRACTIONS. No one else to worry about. No other people we felt obligated to cater to…just us soaking in the moment. It was the most peaceful and relaxing night I can remember for ages. We went back to the hotel room and cuddled….watching a fucking documentary on TED BUNDY….who does that???? In all honesty, it was fascinating. I had no clue our stupid justice system allowed him to escape and murder people multiple times.
Wedding day. I awoke and fetched us coffee. Everything was stress free and relaxed. We both took glorious dumps and celebrated the fact that no one was around to pester us and stress us out. I started my wedding day makeup . I did just my eyes before running off to the salon to get my hair done. It was quiet and peaceful. Matthew snapped a few shots of me and seemed to really like my bride robe I had purchased myself from an amazon gift card I got for my bday from an amazing gal in New York. I promised her I’d buy wedding things, and boy did I. Got the cake cutter and cake topper with it, too! My bracelet and ring were from my Avon store from the Mark line, hahaha…matched perfect.
I ran off to the salon where Nikki did my hair. It was perfect. Matthew picked me up and brought me back to the hotel where I contacted our photographer, Brooke. We agreed to pick her up a bit early to head to Two Medicine. I finished my wedding makeup and watched my handsome man get dressed.
He helped me into my wedding dress and we were ready. My stomach started flipping. Not out of fear or nervousness, but sheer excitement. We picked Brooke up at her hotel and we headed to our destination. We couldn’t have picked a better photographer/officiant. We spent almost 5 hours in a car together that day, all of it enjoyable. Again, it was completely stress free. No people to worry about. No catering that was late, nothing.
We arrived at the Lake. It was a gloriously gloomy day. Both Brooke and I knew this would make for killer lighting in photos. I wrapped my grandmothers necklace and pendant around my bouquet and pinned Matthew’s boutonniere with the pendant his Mom had given him that was a gift to her from her Mother. We walked down to the desolate beach and found the perfect spot. No one was around. It was chilly, but I hardly noticed. All I cared about was right in front of me. Brooke set up where she would be shooting and Matthew ran back to the car for the ring I had forgotten. All I could think of was how happy my Grandma would be in this moment. Matthew returned and we faced off. Nothing else existed. I didn’t even notice Brooke anymore. We exchanged our vows on the empty beach. My hands were shaking and my stomach was flipping with what I can only describe as joy. Without knowing it, we both quoted The Lord Of The Rings in our vows. Our exchange was perfectly nerdy. I also tossed in some Watchmen, Harry Potter and loads of Game Of Thrones quotes. We do not believe in God, but damn it, do we believe in MIDDLE EARTH! Hell, we were physically standing in it!
We kissed our first kiss and I think we both kind of looked at Brooke like “So, are we …married?” We took a few snaps and decided to go down to running eagle falls right up the road. We filled out our marriage license and hiked up to the falls. We had to work around another wedding that was there (only I held a legit permit for BOTH two medicine AND the falls at that time, but I am not a dick) so we shot off of the path near the creek and away from the other wedding party. Much easier to navigate around as two without a bunch of groomsmen and bridesmaids!
After a photo session, as we were leaving the damn near empty park, we spotted a black bear feasting on Huckleberries. Of course, we kept our distance, but it was nice to have “a witness” to our little day. We made our way back to Whitefish, stopping briefly by the west gate of glacier to snap some shots in a beautiful field. We hugged Brooke goodbye and made our way back to The Lodge for our wedding dinner. First, we picked up our cake from the front desk and I brought it up to the room to set up for when we returned from dinner. I brought out my ipod and a tiny speaker so we could enjoy our first dance before cutting our cake. I placed my Grandma’s Necklace I had wrapped around my bouquet all day onto her most favorite thing in all the world…cake. We had Lord Of The Rings champagne flutes, Arwen and Aragorn, and one hell of a Game Of Thrones cake. Who says you can’t mix two of your favorite things, one inspired by the other…together?
We headed back down to the Boat Lounge for our wedding dinner. As we waited for our table to get ready, people kept asking “Are you the bride?”. Apparently, a big extravagant wedding was going on that took up half the hotel. I said “Yes”. I mean, do you say NO when you are in a wedding gown holding a bouquet? We were sat and got our server Natalie from the night before. We were treated to free drinks and ate half the restaurant! Matthew leaned in and said “I was worried we would run into the other brides today.” When I asked him why would that even be an issue, he replied “Because you are so fucking beautiful, I didn’t want them to feel upstaged when they saw you.” That was probably the most beautiful thing he ever said to me. It also made sense why he was pulling me off the path while we were dodging the other wedding party in Glacier. We asked our server if she’d snap a shot of our little “reception”.
Eating in a metal corset isn’t exactly the most comfortable thing I have ever done in life. Hahaha.
We headed back upstairs a little drunk (we NEVER drink, so we are cheap dates) and I flipped on the fireplace.
Our dance floor was a little area between the bed and the desk that I had set up our cake in front of the gas fireplace. I had dumped some of the rose petals from the night before on the floor to make it a bit more romantic.
I turned on my little Ipod speaker. I had selected two songs for us to dance to. The first was my choice, the second I felt reflected him. He took my hand and we started our first dance to Elvis Presley’s Can’t Help Falling In Love. I am not an Elvis fan, but there is no song on this planet that better describes how I feel about this man. Next up was Ben E. King- Stand By Me . Something with a bit more soul for Matthew. We then cut our glorious cake to one of my favorite songs, The Beatles-When I’m 64 . We continued to be idiots eating our top tier, meant for freezing and keeping for our 1 year anniversary…cause we were drunk..lol . Pharrell- Happy played next, the first song I ever danced with Matthew to at his brothers wedding years earlier. Not only did I know during that dance that I would marry him, but he asked me to ‘NEVER DO THIS TO ME” looking around at the huge wedding his bro had. A big shindig simply is not Matthew’s style, and as it turned out, not mine either. I want to point out that I did not bother to touch up my makeup and or hair ONCE during the day outside of reaaplying my lipstick from copious amounts of smooching.
The next day we awoke. It was raining..hard. We decided to drive up to Rexford Montana right by Canada. We had been looking at property up there so we wanted to explore the towns and surrounding areas. We purposely got lost deep in the middle of nowhere. We took a seasonal road pictured below till we found a logging road and turned to drive deep into the mountains.
We took some very rough logging/hunting roads deep in the woods and suddenly, hit a small hike to a waterfall. Now, before you tree hugging hippies start whining about a gun, WE ARE IN THE MIDDLE OF GRIZZLY COUNTRY! Moose, black and brown bears, elk and cougars. Forgive us if we prefer to LIVE! We also had bear spray, our guns are of course, a last resort. People who live in the comfort of a city do not understand the dangers of the wild. We couldn’t believe this gem we found deep in the middle of nowhere.
We explored the area a bit before heading back to Whitefish. The utter quiet and deep hush of the woods…the smell of wet Autumn, nothing could have been better for our mini honeymoon. We kept holding up our rings to each other in disbelief. I always knew I’d wed the right person one day if I met them. Matthew, after the severely dysfunctional relationship he had prior to me, never saw himself getting married. In fact, so accustomed he had become to that toxic mindset, I never thought he’d be able to operate as a “team” with me or trust me, hence my having left before. We had come a long way!
The next day, it was announced that Going To The Sun Road had reopened due to the rain helping with the fire! Our original wedding venue was open for business! I laughed at the irony of it all. We decided to take a trip into the less traveled roads of Glacier. We had always wanted to visit Polebridge, MT. It is a town with no electricity sandwiched in national forest with spectacular Glacier Park views. We made our way up through the stunning scenery to visit Bowman Lake. Tourist season is over. The park was virtually ours. You could hear nothing but your own breathing.
We hopped in the car and drove back to Polebridge, MT to hit the famous and historic Polebridge Mercantile for a SHIT TON of baked goods. I’m talking $50 worth of cinnamon rolls and bear claws.
When we came back from Polebridge and hit Lake McDonald, Matthew’s phone blew up with messages from his Agent and Manager. SO many messages came in (we had been in 0 cell reception, so it was an onslaught) my heart began to race with anxiety and worry. He had requested 1 day off for us to have a mini honeymoon and enjoy our first few hours of being husband and wife. Apparently, a big wig at a studio was requesting Matthew’s voice for a trailer. They wanted to see if he was willing to ditch the honeymoon so Matthew could drive us home to record in his booth or maybe leave me in our honeymoon suite while he went to work. I tried to be understanding, though I felt like someone had kicked my teeth right out of my head. Then, Matthew said “One fucking day. I asked for one day off for the first time since I started. My wife deserves ONE DAY of a honeymoon.” It was probably the most amazing and romantic thing he ever said. I knew he could be losing out on an entire movie campaign…but he was adamant that I deserved a day of his time. His manager was on board. We returned to our suite and made love as quietly as we could due to the hotel placing AN ENTIRE FUCKING FAMILY right next door to us….sigh. Afterward, we ate $50 of baked goods till we were almost sick and watched tv till we fell asleep to the roar of the fire.
When we returned the next day to our home, Matthew got the job. I am glad we didn’t leave.
That’s it. That was the story of one of the best weekends of my life. I hope you enjoyed it, we sure did