What. The. Fuck? Seriously, what actually happened to my body? I am COUNTING the number of items I eat and adding them to MyFitnessPal app, like I used to. I am taking in less calories than I need daily in order to lose weight. I am working out hard, drinking water and for the most part, putting all organic and healthy things in my body.
I FUCKING GAIN WEIGHT! I do not think I am fat. I in no way want to run around all ripped like I used to. My guy isn’t into the whole “shredded bitch” look. He thinks I was looking dudely, and I have to agree with him. Also, I am not into the life you have to live in order to look that way. Anyone you see sporting abs, ripped arms, etc? They are NOT eating delicious food treats and are obsessed with what they put into themselves to the point that it consumes their lives. I know this because for over ten years I did it. However, I have to cram my now larger ass into my wedding dress VERY soon. I simply wanted to shed 2 or 4 pounds so I can feel good. Do I lose weight? NO! I DID lose a half inch above my knee (REALLY wanted to) and a half inch on my calves (yay!) But there is no evidence of inch or weight loss past that. I have been dieting pretty hard for almost 3 weeks.
Losing pounds after 30 is NO easy task for a woman. Your body simply does not want to respond the way it did in your 20s. Also, your body does NOT want to be that thin and fit. It is unnatural and takes a lot of psychotic discipline. Thankfully, I am enjoying my new plump butt and so is my dude. I just didn’t think it would be this hard to shred a bit before the wedding. I am about to just go eat fucking cheeseburgers and fries. I stay the same when I do, so why the fuck not? I am not on tv. I am not running around on livestreams in tiny outfits. Who CARES? lol
I will always work out. I love it, but man, I am tired of living my life the way a fitness model does. Even going back to it for these three weeks has been pure torture. It’s a bland tasting hyper OCD lifestyle. Time for Taco Tuesday!