I guess it doesn’t matter how old we get in our lives. If someone says something and it gets back to you, it hurts your feelings. I have had this happen with friends, people I just met, etc. There are times I say hi to people at a comic con, or accommodate a fan while I am eating, basically just go out of my way to be cool to people, you know? A month goes by, a year, even several, and I will see a personal testimonial posted somewhere about “what a dick Adrianne Curry is!” or something along those lines. Even when it is someone you don’t know well, it doesn’t feel good when you see someone took the time to post about how much you suck on a public platform. Some days I can roll it right off my shoulders. Other days, it can pierce me to my core. Recently I have had several things said about me hit my ears from the grapevine. Thankfully, I am old enough (or rather, mature enough) to realize when people talk about you it only means something is wrong with them. Sure, it stung in some cases, but I immediately remedied myself of the toxic people who were participating in said things, even if it was simply a website on the internet. Just block and move on with your life. There are so many better things to do on this planet than get caught up in petty catty behavior. Anytime I see a group of women and overhear them gossiping I always think of Gollum. The wicked way he’d smile to himself.
I try to make sure I don’t sit around gossiping about people. We all have a few “besties” we can chat with. That is different. If you trust your small circle to keep their mouth shut, it is simple venting. However, if I am sitting around with a gaggle of gals I cannot say are in my small circle saying how “Jennifer is such a bitch! Did you know she lies about her age? She is suck a slut!” I know damn well they are going to tell others. It astounds me that people still behave this way past the age of 25. It is probably the most unattractive quality about us women. We are gossips. We simply cannot help it. However, if you really knew that your words were hurting someone…and I mean, REALLY hurting them, would you still do it? Would it still be a really fun game to vent with gals about how much of a skank so and so is if you knew that person was being hurt? Better yet, let us pretend you are completely aware that your juvenile gossip is hitting the airwaves and you simply don’t care. Are you really hitting your pillow at night feeling like a good person?
Self awareness is something a lot of people simply do not possess. I think the main reason for this is most people would fucking hate themselves to the point of feeling suicidal if they saw just how heartless and shitty they are. I am painfully self aware of who I am and what I do. Even if I do not like a person and feel the need to vent, I would never ever want that person to have to suffer. I can sit here and think of the top people I dislike in my life and can’t imagine hurting them. I wouldn’t want to. I choose who I speak to VERY carefully. Even recently I have had to trim my circle due to a breach. I ONLY want to be able to expose my heart and feelings to people I trust to handle them with care.
I think we as women need to grow the fuck up sometimes. Talking shit doesn’t reflect badly on those you are shit talking. It is simply a reflection of YOU. I always look up to my friend Gretchen Bonaduce. Sure, she has exposed some feelings to me out of trust, but that woman is a fucking SAINT when it comes to not bashing anyone. In fact, she is probably the most saintly of all my friends. Even when she has hit a wall and needs to quietly vent, she speaks in low tones…as if the walls may hear she has something less than savory to say. FYI, she just wrote a tell SOME book (Surviving Agent Orange) about her turbulent marriage. She shares factual shit and still takes the high ground.
Do you feel you gossip too much? Have you ever said something that hurt someone else or had something said about you that ended up hurting your feelings?