There is no way around it, to be addicted to anything is to be narcissistic. When I used to smoke, I put those around me at risk, knowingly. I’d play make believe that my cigarette smoke was magical, and wouldn’t find it’s way in the house I was smoking next to, the vents, etc. I put my need to smoke above all else. I excused my young niece knowing I smoked because I did it outside. I played make believe that I was not a strong female influence on her and liked to PRETEND she was too young to understand what I was doing. She was 7 or 8 years old when she asked me why I sneak around and smoke so much (she is 14 now). Kids are not stupid. I was. My excuses for modeling poor behavior for my niece to be exposed to were pathetic. My putting myself first and knowingly doing something under the guise that she was too young to understand what it was….it was pure selfishness. It was extremely narcissistic behavior. I was an absolute fool to pretend it wasn’t. The very person I claimed I’d give my life for was NOT important enough for me to not model damaging and bad behavior to. It doesn’t get more self serving than that!
When I used to smoke weed everyday, as much as I liked to pretend it was not addictive, it was a major crutch in my life. It altered who I was and helped me run from my issues instead of solving them and evolving. I stayed in abusive relationships because I would get high and play World Of Warcraft to just make believe the bad shit said to me did not exist. I lied to myself every single day. It wasn’t till I quit that I realized how bad I was. My own friends started telling me how much I used to repeat myself…over and over and over. I felt embarrassed that I didn’t realize how sluggish my sharp mind had turned into. I had lived in denial for 20 years. I told myself I was too anxious, too stressed too sleep deprived to NOT smoke weed. I based my entire life on how and when I would smoke. I could never enjoy any activity sober. Everything I did, I HAD to be high to enjoy it. Walk in the woods? HIGH! Work out? HIGH! Wake up? HIGH! Listen to music? HIGH! Matthew said he’s never date another pot head. That shook me awake. I didn’t need to be getting high every day of my life to enjoy my life. In fact, I did not need to alter my brain to enjoy this world! I now wonder how much better I would have been at everything, hosting, writing, etc had I not been stoned stupid every moment of every day. I smoked all day every day. I built up a tolerance and no amount I’d smoke would really get me high anymore.
Alcoholism. If you cannot go a week without booze in your life, you are an alcoholic on some level. I have experienced many people in my life that leaned on booze. It clouded their minds and made them very ME orientated. Addiction makes a narcissist. The addiction comes before anyone in your life and you will defend it till you are blue in the face. I spent the majority of my 20s in a relationship with an alcoholic and ironically, after leaving…I began to abuse it too! Addiction is the king of excuses. They are finding people in their 40s showing signs of alcohol induced dementia…damage from hard drinking whilst young coming back to haunt us. Even a glass of wine a day can build up a dependency in your body. One glass of wine a night seems nice. Suddenly, it doesn’t have the same effect it used to. Now it is two glasses a night. Welcome to addiction! I can’t count the amount of times I tearfully begged someone to quit drinking…and was ignored. Booze was the MAIN factor in my divorce years ago. It was me, or booze…..I wasn’t picked.
Addiction leads to a very singular mindset…one that has little ability to look outside of yourself. You end up greatly hurting those around you, even if it is a small addiction like smoking. My grandma died in my arms with a large tumor in her lung. It was a death I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy….and the person I adored most was suffering in my arms. My grandma was exposed to my smoking along with my Mother’s for years. Would she have suffered like that had it not been for our selfishness to expose those we loved to our deadly decisions?
I do not need to be high to enjoy nature, I do not need to be drunk to have a fun night. I do not need a cigarette as an escape. I do not need to be so narcissistic that I can’t see my behavior for what it is.
I drink once or twice a year now. I can have 1 or two drinks and I immediately get a headache within a half hour of drinking it. I do not smoke. Last cigarette I tried to smoke I almost vomited from the taste. I do not smoke weed. The last time I tried, I chewed off all the flesh on the inside of my lip and felt uncomfortable the entire time. I did not feel sharp or witty and it did not enhance what I was doing. I have cleansed my body of the toxins I had permitted to permeate it for years, some for decades. In doing so, my body can react to toxic things the way the human body SHOULD.
I am glad to finally be me….I am fun and awesome just the way I am. Anyone who thinks I am ONLY fun or cool if I am fucked up or harming myself in some way can eat shit. I do not want to be dependent on anyone or anything.
If your habit is causes RELATIONSHIP issues in love, friendship or family…YOU HAVE A PROBLEM. If using a substance is more important than the feelings of someone you claim to love, welcome to narcissism due to addiction. If you cant go weeks without booze, weed, cigs…if you SAY you can but never PROVE you can…you have a crutch.
Reality isn’t always pleasant. I am glad I woke up to who I was and what I was doing with my life.
This was a powerful statement and a reality check. I needed this today. Thank you. So proud of you and how far you’ve come in life. Through all the bad things you’ve experienced, you stopped making excuses for yourself and decided to grow from it, instead of being trapped in a vicious cycle of unawareness. You are an inspiration and I hope you know that.
You know what else is narcissism? Having a blog named after yourself at which you post for the world your personal opinions on a variety of subjects, on much of which you are uninformed and ignorant. Your opinions reflect a very sheltered and small exposure to the world with limited ability to consider others’ experiences and potential viewpoints. You can’t tolerate anyone who disagrees with you or points out your biases or ignorance. Therefore, posting blogs about your opinions isn’t to foster any kind of conversation. Your blog, your opinion, only positive comments from “fans” allowed. If one manages to sneak through, you attack and your “followers” join in. Really f-ing bizarre.
And what is this comment on my blog designed to push my brand, aka my Avon store? You are such a narcissist…you think you should psycho analyze ex celebs on their blog created to market their job. Suck a fat one.
👍🏻👍🏻
The beauty of blogging is it is yours and you can do what you want with it and no one has to come look at it if they don’t like it. Maybe you could start a blog about how much you don’t like self named bloggers or the things they say.
Well, that’s certainly a interesting take on addiction. I was addicted in the past to cocaine, alcohol, weed, sex, guitars (still am) narcotics for chronic pain which I stll take because I am now in my 51 yikes. I fell in love with you from the moment I first saw you on TV. Please don’t laugh you’re beautiful. Your personality which I got to know from your reality show series made you even more enticing. Playboy shoot put me over the edge and I bought several copies. I live in Arizona near Phoenix and I hate the city. I will be moving to the woods and buy some land where me, my dogs can live in a nice log cabin until I join the lord in Eternal life. Hoe did I find you ? I was bored and thought wow I wonder what adrian Curry is uo to. I hit google and boy you are surely out there in cyberspace. I came here and was klicking away and thought wow a place to comment yes!!! I doubt you will personally read this and that will only increase my depression. Avon , well I suppose. I am glad to see you have found happiness. Your husband is a very lucky man . Did I miss anything? Wine is good for you in moderation. I drink a bottle rather than a glass because of the enormous amounts of healthy stuff contained within. I will give your social media a fly by once in a while. heading to your facebook page for some more action. Take care young lady Blessings …..
I’m so proud of you! It takes a strong woman to quit those things and especially admit it!!! So glad you got out of Hollywood and now have a normal life!!! You so deserve it baby girl! Love you bunches!
Hi stranger, This is Jo from Vegas…many moons ago we were MySpace pals. I have a daughter who is now 40, ring any bells? Well anyhow. I lost track of you and was not a huge online person after MySpace ended. Except for normal shit. With Stan’s passing, I looked for you on Twitter yesterday and found you on Instagram (my go to media outlet). I remember you trying the fuckin patch or some other smoking deterrent (maybe pills…I can’t remember) and you had bad side effects. We discussed this. (can’t get into MySpace for those words) I’M SO FUCKING PROUD OF YOU HONEY!! I always thought of you as a daughter/friend bc of our age diff. I also quit smoking, since those days, but it was always easy for me. I could quit in a day. If I feel like one maybe here n there I’ll bum one from a stranger. Weed. I stopped too. SO ADDICTIVE!! I can remember buying a 20$ sac in the 70’s weekly!! I’d quit for yrs. on end. Memory gets fucked up and that tired feeling sucked. **I went nuts on ur Insta. ** Congratulations on your gorgeous GOT wedding!! xx SO HAPPY for YOU 2!! AND AVON!! I was born in 57, I fuckin love AVON!! I used to give my daughter the lil lipstick samples. So cute!! Holy crap…you’ve done a huge inner life cleanse…BRAVO!! !! So awesome. Eventually I’ll probably sign up. I have 3 vintage eBay’s and one vintage Etsy. And Poshmark. I think you can sell it on Poshmark too. Please use me as a referral if you join any of them We get stuff. DUH!! JoAnn Alexander **I’ve missed you and I hope you remember me. xx P.S. I don’t hate Hollywood 100% , I hate the fake shit and the bullshit and the crap of the games. THE LIES. THE SHIT going back to the silent days. IT never changed, it simply got worse. (I lived there 89/91, was in the music biz, had a store on Melrose and more BLA BLA BLA>>worked all over) but I love THE MOVIES!! So fuckin happy to have found you again. May Stan Rest in Peace in a creative place with no limits. *Always my love*
Adrianne,
I don’t watch much television; however, this weekend I watched a couple of reality shows that you were a participant. To get to the point, I believe you are an extremely intelligent and loving person. What I would hope is that you get that. Never underestimate yourself. You are a Jewel.
I am so glad you are happier without substances. What you said rings true. I am currently a chronic chronic user. I suffer from depression, anxiety and pain issues. But it seems the more I smoke the less high i get. I really would like to stop for awhile but I’m afraid of my mental health tanking. I know I’m dependent on it and it’s a crutch. Somedays though it is all that helps.
Wise words. Been there done that and sometimes still do. Funny how you start to feel differently as you get older and decide what’s more important in life. Thank God we’re able to see through the drinking and other addictions and help cure ourselves so we can be happy again, Great article Adrianne! I’m sure it’s touched a lot of people. Glad you are happy!
Yep! Substance abusers never get it, because their pathology mandates a complete absence of responsibility and constant distraction. That they’re making no contribution to society, living for hedonism and consumption, is deemed normal. It’s actually not, everyone isn’t like that.
Hot tips: PLAN, save money for retirement and take up volunteering. Our jerk shit parents gave us some terrible ways of relating to the world, but you can do better, way better.
Fantastic post. This is real and great honesty. Thank you.
Hi,
Good to know and read your experience.
Keep doing great.