It almost churns my stomach to see just how much people have a psychotic obsession with one’s perceived “level of fame”. I am ripped to shreds on a daily basis for having walked away. Many people think I sell Avon because I had no other choice. So many people are so obsessed with fame and fortune, their puny minds cant conceive that others dont see it the way they do.
After my grandma died, life changed. Priorities changed. I stayed at her bedside to hold her while she passed and skipped a HUGE opportunity to sell my show i had been pitching in LA. People couldnt believe I wouldn’t leave for the meeting. I was scolded for being unprofessional and told I could just fly right back. She died in my arms the day I was supposed to be in LA. Suddenly, what mattered in life was crystal clear. Fame, being on the next tv show, red carpet or hosting an event….it didnt hold you when you died. I began to grow resentment when I returned to LA. Resentment for the industry that had been sucking away my happiness for over a decade. Resentment towards the people who didn’t care that the most important person in my life was dying…they just wanted to use me for money. I skipped events, show pitches, etc. I turned into the dude from office space… I just didn’t care anymore.
When i met my behemoth a year after she passed, I was faced with a choice. I could continue to market myself the way I had been to work and cause jealousy and hurt, or I could dramatically change my life for a safe relationship. I chose change. In doing so, my career took a hit. I struggled to see if I could rebrand myself, but in doing so…I realized just how much I hated the game. Entertainment, fame, etc…it literally made me sick to my fucking stomach. If I wasnt half naked, outrageous and constantly hitting red carpets to self promote, no one cared. So, I stopped caring. Fuck YOU.
The way people measure your worth on how many tv shows, magazine covers, etc. you have is nauseating. People who barely achieve being a semi decent human being on a daily basis LIVE to tear you down the moment you quit trying to stay relevant. I wonder, what exactly it is in someones life that makes them covet and admire fame so much? Why is fame so goddamn important to people who will never ever achieve it?
I blame the Kardashian mentality. The constant need to put every moment of your life out there, even your underage children, so long as it garners you more relevancy…more delicious fame. Everyone has morphed into fame obsessed zombies….streaming, tweeting, instagraming and youtubing in the hopes to garner any level of that sweet new form of HEROIN called FAME. The desperation, the set ups, the clear as day posts of someone desperately trying to garner likes, shares…. its at a fever pitch.
Ive met more fucked up and broken human beings in entertainment than anywhere else on earth. Most, desperately yearning for that next article, tv show, etc to feed their addiction for validation. Living in that world was the hardest thing Ive ever done. I am proud I chose love and life over the temporary void filler that is fame.