I was talking to a very beautiful woman the other day. She is talented, imaginative, kind and stunning. She has lost sight of all of this due to the damage done to her when someone she loved strayed. This human has gone from a confident and sure creature to someone who questions everything about themselves and everything their partner is doing. This person…is who I used to be for YEARS. The damage my heart and self esteem suffered was so great, I allowed myself to be subjected to treatment far beneath me for far too long.
Forgiving a cheating spouse never works in the sense of your heart’s well being. You will always question their motives. You will always wonder if they will betray you, are betraying or HAVE betrayed you again. The damage done by a partner unwilling to own their own weakness and inability to show love, respect and loyalty to the very person they publicly proclaim deserves it….is astounding. It shatters the confidence of their partner. It morphs a once sane person into being INSANE. People will claim “Oh! Feel bad for so and so, they admit to their mistake!” . Uh, no. A “mistake” is a conscious decision made by an adult that knows full well the repercussions of their actions. What it is…is a selfish action of a self important person. It is an action that screams “Hey! My dick/vagina and how it feels when other people touch it is so much more important than you, your well being, etc…that I will lie to you and allow others to play with said genitalia for I am SO special! The repercussions of these actions and how it will destroy you body and mind matters not to someone as special and important as me and my wondrous genitalia!”
When you are 21 and older, you are old enough to know between right and wrong. Blaming a decision that hurts someone else this horribly on being HUMAN and making a MISTAKE is excusing someone’s weak character. That is what cheating is. It is the exposure of a weak man or woman. A person lacking any integrity or honor. A mistake is me telling Matthew I’ll be home at 4 but I dont come in till 7. A mistake is me losing our movie tickets. A mistake is not me spreading my legs open and taking another man inside of me to benefit my own selfish fucking ego and loser mentality that I DESERVE more than the wonderful man I have. That is a deliberate action that exposes the fact that I am weak, cannot be trusted to make adult decisions AND put myself above those I proclaim to love. I don’t care if a line of God men with erect penises are waving at me from a bed made of fucking dreams and spun gold. That is not an excuse for me being a weak human with no integrity. I’d hike a brow, walk away and call my goddamn man immediately.
I am sitting here, typing this out on my man’s computer. His facebook, email, etc are all logged into. I have no desire, stomach flipping feeling or insatiable pull to go check said pages/emails/etc. Why? Because I am finally with a guy I TRUST. I am with a person with integrity, honor and isn’t so selfish that I have to walk on egg shells just to stay mentally afloat. There are no secret skype sessions, no text messages with SPACE GARBAGE (women men have fucked, want to fuck, or have almost fucked that they keep in their gravitational pull while in a relationship with you….in the hopes that they can still flirt or place their dick in them one day. Yes, gentleman, bitches do this shit too. This space trash WILL hurt your relationship eventually.) I am finally free of worrying about my partner.
Find a person who does NOT make you worry or doubt. If you do find this person and they betray you? Ultimately it is up to you if that is something you can work on. I know that I cannot. It mentally destroys me. I feel for the partners and families of those who are the victims of someone’s selfish decision. I never feel for the cheater. At a certain point, you have to look in the mirror and ask yourself… “What kind of man/woman am I?” There is a slew of open relationship type peeps out there if your genitalia is SO great that multitudes of people must touch it and bask in it’s glory. Be an adult and do not drag people into your selfish life if you do not intend on holding up your end of the monogamy bargain. A mistake is putting your car in reverse unknowingly and bumping a pole. A deliberate action that is selfish and hurts others is when you drop your pants and allow a person you are sworn to ignore to diddle your junk. No excuse. Grow up.