Ever since I met the love of my life, I put some clothes on and lost interest in the Entertainment game, (a year after my grandma who raised me died. changing my persepctive) one I was never really good at it to begin with. Unwilling to hook up with famous men for more attention (they’d contact my manager/agent to get dates, mostly places we’d be “seen”…no thanks!)…unwilling to allow them to knock me up for juicy gossip…and burnt out on sharing my life on the next reality show, I took a few years to figure out what i wanted in life. I quickly learned that the soul draining world of entertainment was great for paying bills, but at the cost of my happiness and inner peace. I changed my life, moved to the mountains with my guy, (who also changed the course of his career to keep us safe) and began a new life. I changed my number and have turned down every single show offered to me. I actually get a kick out of doing it. Its like, dumping that piece of shit abusive guy before he dumps you …then he chases you desperately while you continue to ignore him and give him the finger. It is my magnum opus. Many of my so called “friends” in the celeb world have vanished, some unliking/unfollowing my pages, etc. You see, I put myself in a position where I cant be used for “connections” or stood next to when photogs are shooting me to “be seen”. I made myself useless to the users. I can now clearly see who my real friends were in LA, and they are so very few.
Interestingly, people LOVE to tell you how you arent special or relevant anymore because you dont have babies for attention or a new season, spread your legs for famous men…or scramble to get booked on the next reality show featuring celebrities. You are told you are “just jealous” of those willing to continue to expose their bodies and orivate lives for clicks, likes or a rag mag write up to stay relevant. Well, what is relevant? I have arguably done more in entertainment than most, have been featured in people, rag mags, morning shows, talk shows, etc….but how does that in any way enhance my life? It isn’t curing cancer or helping sick kids. Its tv, people. It’s fluff.
With the snap of my fingers I can get booked on the next one season run summer reality show. I could go spill everything on my first marriage and splash my name all over gossip sites. I just….dont care. I feel like my life has morphed into the movie office space. I look at offers sent to me, etc….and..well…I just dont care right now.
I think the very people who try to tell me how I am nothing now that Im not trying to get on “celebrity this!” or “real housewives that!” are the very people who secretly covet the lives of the Kardashian clan. People now measure the worth of human life on fame levels or gossip articles. It’s just…absurd.
I chatted with the runner up to me on season 1 of top model last night, Shannon. I told her no one won our season. She insisted I won it fair and square. I didnt. I was good tv. A nice juicy sob Cinderella story good for ratings. Had I gone on it a well to do kid with a squeaky clean background, no one would have cared. She and I talked about our lives…how we are happy…and the perception that we “don’t do anything ” anymore to the public obsessed with celebrity and entertainment. I told her, we are living our LIVES! What greater adventure or bigger achievement is there in this world than to be HAPPY and true to yourself? The people that look at her and say “well she isnt doing anything anymore” are shallow and hang someones worth on an industry full of men raping and assaulting women for a living. If the success of a human is truly weighed on breeding for gossip mags and another season of a tv show and spreading your legs for the next famous rung in your ladder climb, count me the fuck out.
I am proud of my accomplishments and ability to have a career as long as I did without sleeping around. I just….dont care anymore. I care more about saving for a homestead in Montana while building my avon business than i ever did about my next entertainment gig. I dabble with writing a book. The reason why is, my soul is happier. We grow and our priorities change…or we grow and remain the same. I enjoyed evolving. I enjoy blogging, streaming makeup and keeping our lives safe from the vultures. That doesnt equate to less than….it is simply…I would rather be surrounded by people who are not opportunists…unwilling to throw me under the bus to get ahead, etc. I like the calm and peace my new life has brought me.
Fame isnt worth peace and happiness. No red carpet, no screaming. fan, no tv series or fashion gig ever gave me the feeling I feel when he wraps me in his arms and says he cant live without me. When my friend tells me she loves me and can always rely on me….when I missed pitch meetings for a show to spend over a month with my dying grandmother. When I canceled the big meeting that would have landed me on a network….so I could hold my grandmother in my arms as she died…that is just, so much more. Life is just, so much more.