what is it that makes a relationship last, thrive and strong?
I am learning a lot through therapy and simply chatting with people in long lasting relationships. I think you can get some advice from people who are divorced, etc…but the best advice comes from those who have made it work…and the trials and errors they’ve been through to do so.
Romance. Even the best relationships I’ve seen have suffered its loss at times. We get comfortable and we stop putting the effort into feeding our desire through romance. Usually I hear that kids can dampen it, but even just the passage of time can do a number. Those older couples holding hands and kissing aren’t doing it because it’s a natural gift. They put in the effort and work it takes to keep it going. The invite new challenges and adventures to keep kove fresh and vibrant. I’ve slacked on my appearance before. I’ve slacked on letting someone know what they mean to me. I am learning how to never let that happen…and when it does, how to fix it.
Compromise. This seems to be the most important thing. When two become one it doesnt mean you lose your own identity…but to work as a team means to consult in one another. If something is being done that makes the other unhappy…a compromise is a must. You cannot expect to do what you need for you without taking the other into consideration. The moment you don’t, resentment thrives…and breakups can and will happen.
Communication. Even asking for a break to calm down must be communicated…down to how long you’ll need. Understanding one another and communicating effectively will keep the machine oiled and working. I have failed in the past expressing that I was feeling certain ways…That isn’t an option anymore. From what you are spending your money on to what time you’ll be home, communication is key.
“That is why a man (woman) leaves his (her) father and mother and is united to his wife (husband), and they become one flesh.”
If I have witnessed anything, it is those who put their spouse in the #1 position who make it work. It shows those with children that their parents are a unit and those without that they’re a team in the eyes of the world. I’m off the gossip train. Filling your family and friends in on the inner workings of your relationship has caused nothing but problems for everyone I know, including myself over the years. It invites unsolicited advice, perceived third wheels and bias opinions on both sides. Unless severe emotional or physical abuse is happening, keeping the inner workings of your relationship sacred and between the two of you and no one else is a huge must. If I ever vent to anyone, I will do my best to keep it to “God, he is on my nerves today.” with 0 information outside of that. It’s no one elses business outside of our own.
I always said, if i were ever to marry again….it was going to be the finale time…and I would do everything i could to make it last. To me, when we do decide to say our ” I dos ” I will cleave myself to my husband and honor and respect him. If I want to remain an individual doing as I please then i have no business getting married.