Fuck Unhappiness!

I think it’s easy to fall into a depression. I think it’s even easier to blame said depression on anything and everyone around you. After my grandma died, I spent a year feeling sorry for myself and blaming the world for my pain.

Then, I read the whole “positive thinking creates a positive environment” quotes. The concept of faking it till you made it was foreign to me. However, realizing one person or one event did not have the power to make me unhappy was eye opening. I began to be able to switch moods minutes upon taking them on. I’d wake miserable and begin to look at everything in a negative light….only to stop myself and switch that mood immediately. It really works. I no longer gave myself the right to dwell or to let one thing ruin my days or weeks. Some people thought it was fake…and at first, it was…but smiling when your sad…being upbeat when you don’t feel like it…youd be surprised at how quickly your mood will change!

After years, I no longer have to fake it. I am just happy to be alive and to be blessed with the people I have in my life. I am far from perfect. The last month has not been easy for me. Hard decisions, hormone changes, conflicting opinions and many other things have been a negative thorn in my side. However, I chose to occupy myself with something that makes me HAPPY! It’s why I signed up for Avon. It reminds me of all the times I ordered it with my Grandma when I was young and JUST starting to wear makeup. She always got a berry colored lipstick and blush. She thought eye makeup made you look like a “lady of the night” lol.

Anyway. I’ve taken a situation I could dwell on, feel sorry for myself and point the finger at others for my feeling bad….and said ” FUCK THAT!” and I am turning a negative situation into a positive. I am passionate about makeup. I wouldn’t mind making a little money to help even out the score on my purchases…and it’s something I can happily lose myself in while my body tries to catch back up with my mind after this surgery. Not being able to drive…and needing help on the toilet can be a little draining after a while. I’m trapped. I have no way of going anywhere…and I needed to keep my sanity!




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  1. There are very real differences in how you push through the depression game when it comes to mental state vs. physical state. Both suck, don’t get me wrong, but it’s important to keep a positive outlook on both, or at least repeat to yourself, “It’s gonna get better.’

    At the worst of my back issues (Matthew and I seem to be twinsies for many of our physical attributes), I had to go to spinal care institute for an evaluation about why my back was causing me such debilitating pain. I got in there, and they told me my back looked like someone more in their 50’s. They *could* do surgery, but the better recommendation was core strength and non-impactful exercise. No basketball, but I could do hiking.

    When I was told this, and then I had another back spasm issue (missing the majority of the fluid between my L5 and S1), I was out for six days. I could barely crawl for the first three, and going to the bathroom was something I dreaded. I had to have my ex help me out– that was so bruising to my integrity. Here I am, I’m supposed to be this big and strong man at six and a half feet and 270 lbs, and I couldn’t even use the bathroom without help.

    I felt so fucked.

    But, I took into mind what the doc said. I had to exercise, I had to be positive, and I had to get through it knowing only *I* could make it better. At the time I had a 46” waist, and poor core strength. But I set out to do it, and I am so glad that I did. Every time I fell down, I got back up at the speed my body would let me, and I kept at it. And I slowly noticed that each time I had a back issue, the pain and problems were less intense. I was succeeding– and it felt damned good.

    I remember those lessons and apply them to my mental hesitations, break downs and full on mood swings. I have to ride through it– that’s how brain chemistry works, but I want to be better now, instead of just feeling like I should drown in the negative. It’s difficult sometimes, but like Bob Ross said:

    “Gotta have opposites– dark and light, light and dark in painting. Gotta have sadness once in a while so you know when the good times come. I’m waiting on the good times now.”

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m 55 and Deal with depression..I don’t medicate so it’s important for me to stay positive
    It’s a struggle Adrianne but I must fight on. It helps knowing I’m no different then millions of others who suffer as I do


  3. Ms Adiranne, Another late coming reply. I am a medicated depressive. Even I have bad days, and most days I don’t let it bring me down. Sometimes though, I give in, which I know I shouldn’t, because at 50 (I still hate having to type that), I got more years behind me than I do ahead of me.

    Anyway, I digress. My point is this. What you said about catching yourself and changing your mood…that is big, and I mean big. It’s only taken me several years more to figure that one out. Brava on figuring it out so young.

    Nuber two….
    Yea on Avon! I was an Avon lady for 6 or 7 years, way back when Anew was only three jars; one for your face, one for your chest and neck (It was like a serum), and one for cleansing.
    Best of luck on your Avon adventures, from one make up nerd (geek, addict, gleeful play with-er?) to another.


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