Selling Your Looks vs. HAPPINESS!

A few years ago, I straight up threw a wrench in my career. It was my only focus in my life since i was 19. I completely changed my wardrobe, I stopped taking sexy pictures for press and attention. I was inspired when Matthew saw a pic of his Mother and I and flattered me for looking so demure. People in the industry unfollowed my accounts. Work dried up immediately. I tried to rebrand myself, but it didn’t work. People only wanted to see me be sexy and outrageous. Sex symbol does NOT work for happy and healthy relationships. Look at Jenny McCarthy, Carmen Electra, even Christie brinkley…none have had lasting relationships. Jealousy is a very real thing. Having people fawn and throw themselves all over your mate is not going to help anyone. That is why people usually don’t last in entertainment. I was not going to put myself in front of us.

I realized my career was NOT more important than my happiness in my life. Fame did not make me happy. Fame is not more than my beautiful home with my amazing guy in the perfect mountain town. A lot of people have said I’m crazy for dropping the ball….but I feel like I’ve gained so much more in my life. Sacrifices have to be made. You can’t pursue a selfish goal if you are a team with someone. I can’t have the career I wanted in entertainment and have a happy home life. If I do end up doing anything, it would be with him as a team….outside of my own blog.

I don’t regret it. I’ve been happier these last few years than I have ever been in my life with Matthew Rhode. It’s been nice protecting our team…and keeping it safe from the pitch forks and psychos. He’s worth more to me than all the gold in the shire.



  1. Beautifully written. I would’ve done the same. I’ve had chances to become a model but have turned them down for the same reason…


    1. Thanks for sharing your journey! I’ve been a fan from episode 1, season 1. Everyone grows and changes and you’ve stayed true to you through every iteration. Your hunk of a Duck is lucky, not because he scored a “hot model”, but an amazing woman. Your Gram would be proud! Keep doing you!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Hey There! I feel you whole heartedly. I do work in the industry in the contracts administrative area and the things I’ve seen & experience since after college in 1996 has been an eye/ear full. I LOVE what I do and learned to just clock in & clock out LoL! I’ve followed you for a while. I think you are fabulous & I am SO happy to see you blossom into such an amazing strong women! Big Hugs! Elvia fm Fox😘😘

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Sorry but most people left because of your constant spamming of him and Twitch. I was there and remember the comments. Alot of people were happy for you but got sick of the spam. Many never mentioned you not showing sexy pictures or whatnot. Not sure why you continue to say that is why people left because it isn’t true. Maybe a few pervs but not the droves of people you say.


    1. Probably because before people left heyday say that was why…countless fan mail saying that was why. As for spam, I was live on a show with him….telling people to watch…a show that supported our household


  4. This was before you moved in with him. You had your own stream. You were spamming your relationship. Before you get defensive people were happy for you but got real tired real fast of the obsessive behavior and unfollowed. Not over half naked photos you weren’t posting.


  5. I love your love. I know you won’t have regrets for this ever because you lived that life and made sacrifices in the past and some paid off as it got you to now but you know that this time is different. I would have wished to see you back on TV well this new you but reading your blogs and seeing you from time to time on YT and on stream but happy is just as good. Loves you!


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