I grew up ugly and was not the girl any guy wanted even through high school. It made me bitter towards guys and angry that they never paid any heed to me.
After I won top model, friends of mine were baffled that I shut down every single guy that would approach me…especially actors, athletes, rockstars, etc. It was my revenge. Suddenly im interesting? Now, after years of ridicule, im so specisl? My friends told me ” you could have anyone now, why don’t you go out and have some fun?” I did have fun. I had fun shutting every single one of them down. I only ever had long lasting relationships, and they never picked me…I’d pick them. I am reluctant to trust anyone, and suspected all of them. One of my favorite lines for a guy approaching me at a bar was ” I’m never meeting my future husband at a bar…” and I’d walk away or shut them out with body language. If they continued, I’d tell them not to waste their time. 9 times out of ten, I’d leave. I hate bar scenes.
After my divorce, everyone expected me to be on the prowl. Nope. Only time I dated it was years long. I’m simply a monogamous relationship girl with 0 time for games.
I don’t think I missed out on a single fucking thing! I remember telling my grandma how much it hurt that no guys liked me when I was in Jr high. I told her I was jealous of the popular girls because they always had all the guys around them. I’ll never forget when she looked at me and said “no good man wants the girl who was with everyone.” She was very old fashioned. Despite the way I dressed or how I talked, I never had a one night stand and I hardly dated. I’m old fashioned and a bit vengeful….but it worked for me. Revenge of the nerd, I suppose.
I’ve made no secret that I date to see if we are compatible for marriage. If we are not, I do not waste a single moment more. I don’t care what glowing qualities someone has, if we aren’t headed towards a lifetime commitment, goodbye. Luckily, I’ve always been upfront and honest about my intentions. It isn’t like I date a guy and NOT tell gim what I’m looking for immediately. Saves me a lot of hassle. Most times they bolt immediately. Hell, I told Matthew on our first date ” I am looking to find a beat friend that I can love and build my life with…get married, be a team.” I expected not to hear back from him…but I did.
I’m not knocking anyone else for what they do. This has just always been my way. It’s left me with a very small list of men I’ve been with…and I am personally very happy with that. I’m ever on the search for something real. I’m too deep and too sensitive to play the game.
I suppose if you are younger reading this…don’t let anyone make you feel like you have to do shit with guys. 9 times out of 10, they aren’t worth your time. Of the handful of men I dated tc…only 2 were decent people. I regret being with the other few. Don’t stack up regrets unless you’re the type of person that can bar offor your heart. Also it’s great not having a ton of STDs!