Monogamous Life

I grew up ugly and was not the girl any guy wanted even through high school. It made me bitter towards guys and angry that they never paid any heed to me.

After I won top model, friends of mine were baffled that I shut down every single guy that would approach me…especially actors, athletes, rockstars, etc. It was my revenge. Suddenly im interesting? Now, after years of ridicule, im so specisl? My friends told me ” you could have anyone now, why don’t you go out and have some fun?” I did have fun. I had fun shutting every single one of them down. I only ever had long lasting relationships, and they never picked me…I’d pick them. I am reluctant to trust anyone, and suspected all of them. One of my favorite lines for a guy approaching me at a bar was ” I’m never meeting my future husband at a bar…” and I’d walk away or shut them out with body language. If they continued, I’d tell them not to waste their time. 9 times out of ten, I’d leave. I hate bar scenes.

After my divorce, everyone expected me to be on the prowl. Nope. Only time I dated it was years long. I’m simply a monogamous relationship girl with 0 time for games.

I don’t think I missed out on a single fucking thing! I remember telling my grandma how much it hurt that no guys liked me when I was in Jr high. I told her I was jealous of the popular girls because they always had all the guys around them. I’ll never forget when she looked at me and said “no good man wants the girl who was with everyone.” She was very old fashioned. Despite the way I dressed or how I talked, I never had a one night stand and I hardly dated. I’m old fashioned and a bit vengeful….but it worked for me. Revenge of the nerd, I suppose.

I’ve made no secret that I date to see if we are compatible for marriage. If we are not, I do not waste a single moment more. I don’t care what glowing qualities someone has, if we aren’t headed towards a lifetime commitment, goodbye. Luckily, I’ve always been upfront and honest about my intentions. It isn’t like I date a guy and NOT tell gim what I’m looking for immediately. Saves me a lot of hassle. Most times they bolt immediately. Hell, I told Matthew on our first date ” I am looking to find a beat friend that I can love and build my life with…get married, be a team.” I expected not to hear back from him…but I did.

I’m not knocking anyone else for what they do. This has just always been my way. It’s left me with a very small list of men I’ve been with…and I am personally very happy with that. I’m ever on the search for something real. I’m too deep and too sensitive to play the game.

I suppose if you are younger reading this…don’t let anyone make you feel like you have to do shit with guys. 9 times out of 10, they aren’t worth your time. Of the handful of men I dated tc…only 2 were decent people. I regret being with the other few. Don’t stack up regrets unless you’re the type of person that can bar offor your heart. Also it’s great not having a ton of STDs!





  1. I was the same in jr high and high school. On Valentine’s Day all the girls would get carnations and cards. I was never asked to any dances or even prom. I for sure felt ugly and I still do. I think a lot of this goes back to fifth grade and we had to do a oral report. I guess mine wasn’t good enough because the teacher humiliated me in front of the whole class. To this day I have very little self esteem. In high school you had the clicks, the jocks, cowboys, popular and then me and my 2 friends. I never felt good enough to try out for anything.


  2. Your a brave, wise soul my dear! Had a similar experience when I was growing up. Grew up in a strict European home, I was the oldest and sort of forged the way for my younger brother and sister. Was an ugly duckling till I turned 17. A lot of heart ache…


  3. We get it Adrianne, with just a few exceptions, you hate the male gender. I am sorry that we have all let you down.

    Also, there are typos in the second and fifth paragraphs.



  4. Not near as traumatising as not being adequately schooled because your thoughts were on puppy love instead of needed studying. So now instead of possibly being a welfare dependent you’re successful.


  5. I always looked for love in all the wrong places coming from being physically and sexually abused growing up. I got married at 19. I became a swinger at 22. I thought if these men showed me interest via sex then I was valuable and made me feel better about myself or so I thought. Now 43 and after 2 broken marriages, I have been monogamous the past 7 years with my new husband. It feels good to be wanted by one and to be his number 1. It does not feel good to be shared or made to feel like an object. I still have old friends who would like to have sex still but these are old boyfriends who were truly attracted to me. However they respect my wish to be monogamous. I spent so many years typing to heal scars and fill holes and mend broken pieces through men. It took finding the one who accepts me for who I am and treats me like I am his everything, It took me years to find the one who makes me smile everyday like Matthew does you. I go back to everytime you talk about being spat in the face. My ex would stand in the shower and grab hold of parts of my body and tell me that I needed plastic surgery because he deserved a trophy wife and that did not keep his d*ck hard. Verbal abuse is still abuse. I am happy being in my one person relationship. We are happy. I am chronically ill now and this man accepts me for everything. We met online. In a game too. So you never know where you will find your happiness, but you will find him. BTW we just married last June. We engaged year 2 but didn’t marry until just before year six. I have followed you since MySpace days. I love that you are blogging now. I hope you lots of happiness with Matthew. I believe he is your soulmate. Everything happens for a reason. The way I met my husband was as such fate as you and Matthew. You know when you have found the right one. I can’t wait til the day he does propose.
    KC in Boston


  6. Thank you for this. I was an unpopular loner male through school and although it hurt I believe it made me stronger. Your words and strength are inspiring and I hope my daughter can be like you when she grows up.


  7. OK Adrianne
    cool during puberty, cool as adult
    cool during puberty, uncool as adult
    uncool during puberty, cool as adult
    uncool during puberty, uncool as adult
    Number from 1 to 4 with 1 being the person you would most like to have sex with and 4 being the person you would least like to have sex with. Logic commands that there be an answer, and you brought the subject up.

    You didn´t ask me, but even at 13 it was obvious that the most voluptuous teenage girls had mothers that moved like ¨Thunder Lizard.¨ So I knew better right from the start.

    Yes, I´m only asking you because you are hot.

    No, I´m not interested in you.

    I have my own problems. Just a matter of curiosity about how you resolve your inner conflicts.

    No. A person´s wants and desires don´t change during monogamy.


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