Don’t Discuss Your Relationship Issues

With ANYONE! Sure, a small fight about laundry is one thing, but details on the huge disagreement on child rearing you just had is off limits. Ever since I stopped divulging personal details about my relationship(s) with my Mom. Cousins, friends…life has been smooth sailing! No one asks “are you guys alright?” And whatnot because whatever little quarrel we had isnt broadcasted throughout my family and friends. We often run to those closest to us when we get in a tiff with our lover because it feels like such a huge deal. Problem is, the next day we immediately forgive and forget but our family and friends do NOT have a close/intimate relationship with our partner and will carry that knowledge…leading to dislike, etc. There is no way around it. No matter how wonderful your guy or girl is, your friends and family will hold grudges based on what you tell them. There are no exceptions. There is no special person that’s above bring human.  Unless your best friend, dad or sister is the second coming of Jesus Christ, you cannot convince me otherwise. I’ve seen families despise the partner of a blood relative. I’ve seen behavior towards sind person change. I have always been the one to defend these people to others. How could we possibly know the whole story? Why are we all judging someone that our relative is staying with? Don’t make thanksgiving uncomfortable for your partner by leaking info!

When we do divulge private info, what they get is incredibly one sided versions of what is going on. It’s the only version we can muster …our own. It is incredibly unfair to our partners to divulge private information about the inner workings of your union. If they wanted to be in a deep and intimate relationship with the people you are telling their private issues to, they would. It is not your right to EXPOSE them to someone else. They’ve chosen you to be vulnerable with. They’ve chosen you to show their good bad and ugly to. They did not chose you to share their ups and downs with your brother or sister! Exposing your partner in that way, revealing rheir reactions in a closed door environment…it’s hurtful.

If your partner is abusive mentally or physically and you are trying to find a way you leave, this doesn’t apply to you. If you think you’re going to fix or save an abusive man or woman, you are wrong and will fail. You cannot help someone that is hurting you.

What can you say if you can’t divulge the private inner workings of your union? I’ll tell my friends “I love that man, but today? Today I hate his stupid handsome face!” If anone tries to pry, I just say “it’s no big deal, he just is irritating me today.” Guess what? They let it go and you both move on! The best benefit of this? When you are done being pissed at your girl or guy, your friends and family will never know the difference. They won’t hold a grudge against your partner for the very private fight you exposed to people who have no business knowing.

My guy and I practice this. When I go see his family, I don’t have to feel uncomfortable around them. I don’t wonder what private things he has shared with them. When he came and met my family this Christmas he didn’t have to ask me why anot aunt or cousin was being weird.

Protect your partner. If you don’t feel the need to do so…perhaps you are with the wrong person.

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6 Comments

  1. I totally agree. I regret telling my Dad and his wife that my boyfriend cheated on me. Even though we already bought plane tickets to new York to see them, they said he was no longer welcome. I have not talked to my Dad since then. I am livid at him for not sticking up for me.

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  2. God I wish I read this or someone told me this so simply years ago when me and my boyfriend of now 6 years were first dating. Now I have a family member or few who completely dispise him, when the bad situations we had were years ago. I didnt know this would be the man I chose forever. We got through our crazy squabbles and raised a child and plan to marry. Will that family member be invited eh prob….not. Even if your newly dating and people want the scoop or you just wanna gossip and dish the scoop. Never worth it. Hell it ended up in my Aunts prayer circle, bible study whatever…..Now the past 2 years ive zipped it and everything is alot better. I dont seem to have any friends but hell he ended up my best friend.

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